JuicyKicks

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Super long Saturday with a lot of mishaps in between. Was supposed to report for CIP duty at 8am but I was misinformed and came around 9+am. Grabbed the donation tin and headed to breakfast with MASRURAH, AMIRUL and VASANTHI at Jurong Entertainment’s Long John Silver’s where we placed our own coins into the tin so we don’t have to look like idiots going around. Discovered I lost my ten-dollar note supposedly used to catch a movie and was grumbling till Vasanthi saved the day by offering to pay for my ticket first. Amirul decided to forgo our initial plans to watch a movie, as he wanted to save for an MP3 so after breakfast and meeting JUICY and SYASYA, we parted ways; caught MEN IN WHITE which was hilariously stupid and again met them who informed us they were going home as Amirul was worried because he didn’t bring his keys along and they wanted to chill at Town. Dropped by Vasanthi’s place as we nowhere else to go. Had lunch there before heading back to return the tins and meeting some other classmates. Hopped into 66 next, dropped at Boon Keng, hopped into 154 heading towards Eunos Interchange where I had promised to meet Dolly when she called to meet at Parkway Parade instead so she could exchange an item she bought when she went shopping yesterday with her father so hopped yet into another bus where my ass was getting sore. Imagine riding from the west to the east non-stop? Can like totally die. Met her, she shared a peach red tea with me, smoked and went home to a nice fours nap. So what am I going to do for the rest of the night then?

My holidays are so going to be a bore. Most of my friends are broke and the movies coming out are so boring. Missing Jerry very much but it’s getting increasingly difficult to call her at home. Gosh, there’s like four weeks till school and I cannot wait for it to re-open. Goodnight.

Dolly couldn't make it so Amirul and I went on a "date" to WARONG PENYET @ Marine Parade where the food was absolutely delish and the chilli was HOT HOT HOT. Give it a try; you will not be disappointed. Was just disappointed with the Milo Dinosaur. TIPU BENAR TAU TAKDE WHIP CREAM SUMER! TIPU! Then, we trekked the whole wrong part of ECP to get to Bedok Jetty where my brother was working as a stall helper and we gave up in the end and Amirul was pissed at me because I made him sweat. SORRY LA BABY. Ended up at Parkway Parade where we window-shopped and stole body lotions samples to try out. Hanged out at BK chatting and laughing while waiting for Dolly to drop by and met Iyliee by chance at Starbucks and she's so TINY!!!!! Glad to have met you honey! Didn't stay to chill long as Amirul wanted to get home in time for APM and ta-daa! Home by 9pm. Greatness. So, GOODNIGHT!

To watch everything fall to pieces over and again when you barely have time to fix it up sometimes can just break you. To try and understand why things go wrong and everything changes in a snap can dampened your resilience. Sometimes, I question why I even try, playing pretend and hoping yet again for a glimmer of sincerity in everyday life. But people live for selfish reasons and materialistic dreams. Who am I to judge since I am just like you, another mindless zombie, a worthless soul and a moronic follower? I am tired of trying to be strong and not seem out of place for that will just make me a liar and lies that are woven are hard to keep track. I want what you want but can I have more than that? I want tranquility and peace from a turbulent past and I want to put to rest my doubts and fears and just LIVE, LOVE and BREATHE.

So, I am going to sit in the quiet darkness of my bedroom and bawl my brains out because I cannot comprehend anymore what Life is suppose to be like and I have enough of trying to figure out my responsibilities and exactly what I want to do. I loathe this depression I am in and I am exhausted from screaming myself hoarse. So, let’s cry together baby because even heroes have the right to bleed.

Goodnight.

I psyched Amirul into eating at Pizza Hut though he kept insisting he was broke and we both psyched Vasanthi into going to Woodlands for lunch though she was afraid that her psychotic elder brother will find out since she is grounded yet again for things she never do. I swear one of these days I would murder him with absurd pleasure. It resulted in a long bus ride to Woodlands Interchange and mayhem at the restaurant. I love them for amidst the trials and errors I made during my six months ITE stint, they were the best people to be with when I am down on my knees and bawling my brains out. Thank you bitches, from the West to the North to the East baby, tied up together through a series of MRT rides. ILY.






They bicker non-stop all the time, with Amirul going " SATAN! " and Vasanthi going " AIYOYOYO EVIL! " and it is so comical to see them do that.










This SATAN is a PIG and walking DUSTBIN! He finished up half of my beef lasagna and a quarter of Vasanthi's on top of his baked rice. Hahahahaha.

Took buses home as I wanted the solitude to think and when it passed by TP, I nearly broke my neck craning out the window hoping HE would be there. *sigh*

Am feeling much better now and since it's the holidays already, I wanted to club but Zanna accused me of being EVIL I decided not to. Haha. No, I am sick with ear infection and it is affecting my gums so yeah can dieeeee, I know.

Good Day.

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Dad asked me to get a THANK YOU card for the wonderful caregivers of Ward 47 @ Changi Hospital to convey our gratitude for their help during Grandpapa's poor health so I did and I thanked Amirul profusely for helping me write them for my handwriting is atrocious which resulted in him saying, " AINI, KAU BUANG TERBIAT EH? KAU BALIK TENGOK KIRI KANAN PLEASE MANER LA TAU KAN. " I love you Boyfriend, thanks for making me laugh.

Anger is much easier to handle than grieve. Today, not a tear was shed as I kept myself pissed off inside at everything and nothing. Last exam paper tomorrow and I wonder if I can make through another day without collasping. Good Day.

It's a beautiful day
Now I'll be okay
Now that you're not away
Yesterday was a terrible day
But now that you're here, I'm okay
Cuz you don't know how much I
I need you, please don't go
You're so wonderful
This I swear, this I know

You, oh, you
Every single thing you do
I'm so proud of you
What you do
When you do the things you do
They're so you

So thanks, for your help
You shine so bright
You are the star that's in my sky
And I am yours and you are mine

Whoa you, whoa you
Every single thing you do
I'm so proud of you
What you do
When you do the things you do
They're so you

And I'm so proud of you
That's so you

To Grandpapa, with love.

I miss you. It hurts to know that you're gone. I'm dead inside. All I can think about are those moments when you are here, loving me unconditionally. My tears have not run dry and they taste bitter against my skin. My heart is cold and in mourning. This feels like a nightmare and I am not myself anymore. If I ever laugh or smile,know that it's not with sincerity. It's futile to believe in hope, faith and true happiness for I have lost the one person who doesn't care about my flaws. I'm losing myself in anguish and angst. I need you now, more than ever. Thanks for the well wishes, I know you mean well. I'll be strong, hopefully. Goodday.

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see

It might sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well, it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a phony red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
i'm only a man looking for a dream
Only a man in a funny red sheet
it's not easy
it's not easy....to be....me

I just lost my grandfather today. I cannot compose a thought properly; my mind’s just a complete blank. I blame myself for not making the time to visit him enough when he was unwell, chasing too hard those materialistic dreams of mine. I miss him now, so deeply. I did not even get a chance to say goodbye. I cried just now until I wish I was dead too. Why did I ever hope that things would get better? Why did I ignore those warning signs, not wishing to believe that he will go? Thanks Dolly and Jerry for being there. I love you. Goodnight.

My life is seriously a bore right now; it’s so mundane I am plotting a murder against those I detest just for kicks. In the morning, I watch cartoons then ate early lunch. Watched the disturbingly fascinating afternoon movie on Channel 5 White Oleander in the afternoon, read To Kiss A Spy by this fabulous author, I forgot her name and slept till 6.30pm, just in time to catch Pirates of the Caribbean , which heightened my desire to watch the third installment; I LOVE JACK SPARROW! and called friends for chats. I did not even touch a single note or cracked open my textbook to revise because I was too lazy and now am just waiting for Ugly Betty and ANTM . I need some excitement! Under too much stress and worrying. Holidays come soon please! And oh, HAPPY 18TH TO AHMAD ABDILLAH. May you live a happy life after I have deleted ALL your connections to me. Goodnight!




I miss them already.

Okay, Saturday was great fun hanging out with my girlfriends and meeting my favourite ITE mates plus indulging in a Caramel Ice Blend from Coffee Bean and also pictures from Arab Street but it's boring to blog without the pictures so I guess you must wait till all the pictures are with me. ;). In the meantime, enjoy narcissi pictures of yours truly. By the way, Jerry! Hope everything will be okay, okay! LOVESSSSS!








Oh, and give me some opinions please. Should I go rebond my hair again or just stick with the unrul wavy ones? Kinda miss the curls. Lol. Wish me luck, EXAMS!

Good day!

Long awaited delight. I LOVE!






I have been single for a year and that sounds extremely depressing. I hate getting straighth As if it means I have to sacrifice my life. Good Day.

Tell Me Lies by Jennifer Cruise is the best read for a woman on the search for her true self underneath all the mess she made for herself and again, it shows how much important honesty is. I love the main character, Madeline Faraday for I admire her spirit and comical sarcastic-ness. She rocks my world! For a sleepless night, I recommend Jennifer Cruise if you cannot chase away the insomnia; you will end up howling with laughter and agreeing with the irony.

Thursday was Vesak Day and I went to visit Grandpapa which was complete disheartening; he's getting senile and I am so afraid. I miss you Grandpapa! Had lunch with Dolly at her neighbourhood. She went off with her new Boyfriend and I went home to a four hours nap. That was seriously refreshing but I kept on dreaming about sushi. Damn.

And oh yeah, I have been 18 for exactly a month yet I still feel fifteen.

Everything seems the same, so normal, so sane but why do I feel different? So out of touch with this world? And if I were to go before my time, would you even miss me? The plain, ordinary girl who is out of luck and love? The straight As student, the daughter with responsibiles she's too young to handle and the girl with the big dreams yet no ambition left inside her to fight on? Why does the day feel so calm when I am thinking suicidal thoughts?

Sexy Breasts Miss Jerry Cherry & Dolly Pop Very Much. Sexy Breasts Wants A Trio Outing. Sexy Breasts Wants To Be JAD Again. So, Saturday Please. Bugis Again. Thank You Honey Bunny Sugar Plum Cuppy Cakes Gumdrops. Please Leave Your Boyfriends Behind And Let's Paint The Town Red With Our Kooky Madness. I Need You Like THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Bad. *SAD*

I Am Obessed With Him. Jerks Are What Attract Me.

I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry

Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back

I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
(Yeah)
So this is goodbye

Goddamn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid

I want to dive into you
Forget what you’re going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth

I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try

And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye

I’ve been here before
One day a week
And it won’t hurt anymore

You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning
Cause

I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
And I...and so this is goodbye


Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try

And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye

So this is goodbye, yeah (x 3)
(Oh no)

SERIOUSLY, NOW I AM ON HIATUS. THROWING THE LAPTOP AWAY!






yousaidforeveryouwon'tletmego. whereareyounowab?

Esplanade Bay with lots of bread treats from Dolly's kind Dad and Oreo Bubble Teas before mugging at the Esplande Library!










Lots of mugging done for the upcoming DTG exams + chilling out by the bay with JUICY, SYASYA, AMIRUL & DOLLY! LOVES! <333333






Caught the PUFFY WHATEVER && PPG SHOWCASE + THE ARTS OPENING.


When I visited Grandpapa today, he cried and I cried along with him and then, there's some drama going on with my dear schoolmates. I WISH FOR EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT AGAIN PLEASE. I need to stop worrying and stressing and thinking.

I DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN, GRANDPA. SO I WON'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU UP. MAYBE, IF MY HEART STOPS BEATING, IT WON'T HURT THIS FUCKING MUCH.

I miss Ahmad Abdillah. Yes, I do. VERY, VERY MUCH.

Goodnight.

I WISH FOR GRANDPAPA'S HEALTH, MY STRESS TO GO AWAY, HAPPINESS FOR MY FRIENDS, PEACE AND LOVE FOR EVERYONE && A GURDIAN ANGEL TO KEEP ME SAFE.




Thanks for Friday, Loves.




And thanks for this Amirul Love, though it's just an infatuation Darls. I love you. <333


Goodnight.

I love being by myself sometimes; listening to my punk-rock tunes on my 5300 and daydreaming. Walking along the streets in the bright sunshine, long bus rides and fast MRT trips. I enjoy snapping pictures of the scenes that pass me by so that I could sketch them, paint them or draw them. I wonder what is so silly about this little hobby of mine. I wonder why it draws such harsh jokes and laughter. Why can't people understand someone's passion and love for something so simple? Why must they make a comedy of someone for being above over-commercialization and embracing unconventional fantasy? I wish I was born a butterfly; so that I can soar above these. Enjoy the pictures I took and someday, I might show you the paintings I made of them. Maybe, you will understand. Maybe you won't. But here's a line I found so real and profound, in a poetry I once wrote.

They pretend to know, yet they don't see. They pretend to care, but they are selfish. Humans, a race born to deceit. They follow instead of lead, the person in front of them so as not to seem out of place. They are cheating themselves, beautifying themselves for the wrong reasons and living a lie. Why? The mystery will never be solved. I learnt to ignore for as they say, IGNORANCE IS BLISS.






















Singapore, The Concrete Jungle I Love. <3





Angel Fire. <3




Floorball With Friends Is <3.




They're the only one who cares. ILY. <3





My Secret Agent Lover Man; Back View. Everytime I pass him by, I swear my heart beats faster and harder. He's the best cure for a broken heart on the mend. Why does he belongs to another?

Good Day People!